A Self-Love Day
I have spent the day taking care of myself.
Preparing to move forward. Sometimes you must take a time out to treat yourself, refresh, regroup, and come back looking and feeling like “you”. It had been a minute since I did this.
I have gratitude for another day, for more possibilities at every turn. The rubble that lies in “rebuild mode”s wake can be daunting, but thankfully I was born for this. Good things are present, and even better things are around the corner.
xo
Back To The Beginning
I’m back. It’s been a while. Life has been chaotic, but I’m ever thankful for a new day. I am full of gratitude for my blessings. Each new day brings a chance for a fresh start, new ideas, and new worldy contributions. I’ve been thinking alot lately about what I wish to contribute to the world. What is my purpose here?
I think the answer to that is this— I want to contribute love. And understanding. And grace. And grit. Much like that of my grandmother.
Today I visited with family, did the dishes, and painted. I went outside, and I enjoyed a coffee too. I opened the door and windows to let the breeze in. I ate. I took the garbage out. Day by day, I get a little bit stronger. Take a few deep breaths. Everything is alright.
Listening to radio podcasts is amazing too. So peaceful. Thank you for another day. This storm too shall pass.
Okay. It’s been a minute. The writer returns.
A positive note; So while I may have to keep it PG now, I really do love the way I can change my “palette”. Funny how a lighter dashboard makes everything so…. peaceful?
Love it.
I did laundry today. Two loads.
I cleaned the dishes. A few times.
I cooked prepped, cooked and cleaned up dinner as I went.
I went to the store to grab a few more things for the apartment- good stuff like protein – ex tuna, chicken hotdogs, chocolate. lol.
I cut and painted my nails. I put on fresh clothes. I wrote in my journal.
I just want to use this post as my meditation– the time I take for myself to reflect on my accomplishments and challenges of the day. I am okay. For now, we are all good. I’m breathing okay in this present moment, and that is a blessing within itself.
February 25th, 2020
HEIGHT: 5′1 HW:280 CW: 145lbs
The cigarettes are burning my mouth the same way they are burning into my lungs and stomach,
And suddenly, I’m brought back to the reality of the tool I asked for, begged for, worked hard for, and accomplished many triumphs with– only to misuse it and treat it so god damn poorly. Some kind of a thank you huh.
Girl, what are you doing?
I’ll be first to admit that I have let this life and all of it’s obstacles overshadow the many blessings that I have to be thankful for. My anxiety gets the best of me most days, and when it doesn’t, the depression tends to hit like a mac truck or 10. I have no excuses, but I do have some positive goals going forward;
- Stop smoking
- Take my meds
- Take my vitamins
- Focus on protein & water intake
- Write a journal/progress entry daily
- Find a job
- Plan to move to a 2 bedroom apartment
Hopefully in a week from now, I will be able to have some good updates on this.
And yet, through it all, Cinderella remained ever gentle and kind, for with each dawn she found new hope that someday her dreams of happiness would come true.
“Sooner or later, it all comes apart
The walls are all shattered, I’m back at the start
And I’m willing to follow this
Wherever it goes,
The heart has its reasons that nobody knows.
And I wanna believe in a world we can’t see
Millions of particles passing through me
And I know there’s a meaning
I feel it, I swear
I can’t see my future, but I know that it’s there”
- Fall On Me
And yet, through it all, Cinderella remained ever gentle and kind, for with each dawn she found new hope that someday her dreams of happiness would come true.
illusion
The person I have created in my head is just that– a creation,
Soft and vibrant hues hide the darkness underneath,
I paint you in all the ways I wish,
Until the child in me is so mesmerised by the illusion,
That the woman in me allows the truth the be buried,
Just for another five minutes with the person I have made you out to be.
The child in me seems to always be mesmerised by the illusion,
The woman in me knows the truth but is silenced by the child’s blind optimism.
dealing with the worst case scenario
- your condom breaks
- you feel a lump on your breast
- your friends are ignoring you
- you’re stranded on an island
- you got rejected by a crush
- you get into a car accident
- you got stung by a bee/wasp
- you got fired from your job
- you’re in an earthquake
- your tattoo gets infected
- your house is on fire
- you’re lost in the woods
- you get arrested abroad
- you get robbed
- your partner cheated on you
- you’re on a ship that’s sinking
- you fall into ice
- you’re stuck in an elevator
- you hit a deer with your car
- you have food poisoning
- your pet passed away
- you fall off of a horse
- you or your friend has alcohol poisoning
- you have toxic shock syndrome
- your house has a gas leak
I feel like this could be useful in my future
REBLOG THIS. I CANNOT STRESS HOW IMPORTANT THIS GUIDES ARE, BOOST THIS SHIT
If I don’t reblog this one of these things is definitely going to happen to me
Wow, a lot of these things have happened to me 💀
It’s crazy to think that there was once a time when you would look at me with affection rather than disgust.
— I miss your eyes on mine // a.m.m, 1:02am
I’ll miss you a lot, baby.
The thought of leaving you behind, or worse, you leaving me— it hurts. It hurts a lot. I became use to your presence in my life, and your willingness to accept parts of me that aren’t that pretty.
But summer is over, and I’ve gotta focus on my life, and my dreams, and people who are more than temporary.
You have to go back and fix the things you’ve managed to break. I want you to be better. Be better for your family— stop being so fucking selfish.
Maybe I meant something to you, and maybe I didn’t. But I hope that if you learned anything, I just hope that you learned to be better.
